I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
