Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize