Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
