69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
