i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
