The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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