i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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