My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
