There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
