even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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