I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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