Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
