if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
