My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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