oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
