i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
