wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
