happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
