the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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