we have officially lost it.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
