Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize