he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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