Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
