I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
