my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize