I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
