She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
