I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
