She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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