Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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