Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
