I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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