At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
