I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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