He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
