Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
