Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
