My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
