Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You dont lie about slip and slides
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
