I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
