He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
