Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize