I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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