I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
