My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
