He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
