What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize