My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
