I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
