What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
