My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
