I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
this is an emotional support booty call
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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