I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
