my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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