I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
