Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize