Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
false alarm, still single
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
