I faked an abortion last night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
