We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
