Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
