If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize