i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is Oprah even human
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
