Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Couch. On fire.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
