a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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