She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
