At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize