My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
