Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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