dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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