he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
