So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
