i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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