sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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