I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
