so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
