After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
