Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
