i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
