I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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