So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
