this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
did i walk over a car last night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize