also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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