i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
