Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
