He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
