Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
