Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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