My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She's the barista slut.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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