shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
