she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
