k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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