god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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