i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
