Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
