watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This is my gift to your gina
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
