Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
