I'm sorry my penis didn't work
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As shirtless as possible
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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