found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize