Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
