STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
