ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
