just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize