The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize