There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
