i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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